holy moly guacamole

first off, i officially like avocados! i’ve never really had them in a substantial quantity before and, now that i have, i’m totally putting them on sandwiches and things instead of mayo!

so much has happened since i last updated. my vacation in oregon was really fun but i’m glad to be back home in california. i really am a california girl and don’t think i will ever live anywhere else. my house flooded while my parents were on a cruise in the caribbean. 8000 gallons in 7 days; $80k in damages; water ruined the floors and 5 feet up the walls. ridiculous! we finally just found a 2 bed 2 bath apartment with a den (3rd bed) in the next city over so thank god we’re not going to be homeless forever. we move in on wednesday and will be there for 2+ months – right into my senior year. yaaaaay.

for the time being, my mom and stepdad have been staying in a hotel and enjoying using our insurance to eat out every night, but they’re quickly getting sick of it and wanting a home cooked meal. my sister and i have been staying with my mom’s parents about 20 minutes away from our house.

20110807-084001.jpgi went stand-up paddle boarding for the first time yesterday. it was actually totally fun and i’m really glad i didn’t act like myself and sit on the sidelines watching everyone else do it. i give a lot of the credit to my baby cousin who forced me to go out there with her. last night i got into a shouting match (via text of course) with my ex-boyfriend. it didn’t accomplish anything other than making me feel worse hahaha. ugh. what are ya gonna do, though. whatever. today, my mom (technically state farm insurance, hahaha) treated all of us to an $82 lunch by the beach. then, we walked by the beach and got some gelato.

it was such a beautiful today that i actually decided that i want to do a beach day tomorrow! so, again totally out of character for me, i texted my 3 best friends and asked them if they wanted to join me. i rarely ever hang out with other people because i have social issues, and i’m never the one to make plans with others. one of my friends is coming to town to hang with me and my other friend might join! i’m actually really excited and not worried about my body at all. i know they love me regardless of what i look like and i just miss them so much. i have only seen one friend since school let out – it’s bad.

the friend that might join me tomorrow invited me to this bonfire that she’s going to tomorrow night. my ex might be there so i think i’m going to have to pass…. ūüėČ

oh, and i’m getting my tragus pierced in november.


hey all! or, not so all. i’m sure there’s only about three people who read my blog, but that’s okay. i don’t write for others – i write for me.

20110724-092003.jpgi’m at my dad’s house in oregon for two weeks. let me tell you, it is H-O-T in oregon. most people probably think snow when they hear “oregon” but, phew, it is warm. it’s been about 90 since my sister and i have been here. yesterday, i was out in the sun for the first time this summer. crazy how antisocial i’ve become. or just how much i hate staying out in the sun. yesterday, we went out on the lake and it was so gorgeous. i had to keep guzzling water to stay hydrated. there’s nothing i hate more than being dehydrated up here.

we went to one of the rivers around here today. i tried to stay in the shade a little more so i wouldn’t get overheated or sunburned. i’m super paranoid about getting skin cancer so i’m always putting sunscreen on, even if that means foregoing a tan. i hate seeing people baking in the sun for hours with no sunscreen on (i.e. my sister and a lot of my friends). i mean, how stupid can you get?

20110724-094111.jpgmy dad caught some trout in the river so we had some of it for dinner. pretty yummy with homemade tartar sauce, salad from the garden, and sushi rice! tomorrow, we’re going to go rafting down the main river up here. it’ll be my first time on a big 12 person raft going down class 4 rapids with a river guide. SCARY!!

wow, i haven’t updated in awhile. i’ve been working really hard on my gold award and things like that.

yesterday, i had the misfortune of having all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed. oh yeah…i bet you remember what this feels like. wednesday, i cried all day because i was nervous as all hell. i had never had anesthesia, never taken vicodin, AND never had surgery – so i was way past freaking out. i had a bit of a meltdown moments before leaving for the dentist’s at 11:30 AM and i hadn’t eaten since 7 PM the night before (so i didn’t choke on vomit or anything during the surgery).

i went into the dentist’s office and the doctor was answering my questions and concerns (mostly about throwing up – i have a huge vomit phobia). he was very helpful and was really good at distracting me when it was time to start. he hooked me up to an IV (also a first for me), put an oxygen mask on me go calm my heart rate since i was insanely on edge, i asked him if i was supposed to be awake and he replied “i haven’t even given you any medication! i’ll let you know when i do.” the last thing i remember is telling him that i’d sue him if i woke up during surgery hahaha! after that, i remember getting out of a wheelchair and into my mom’s car. anesthesia is SO strange! weirdest experience of my life. wow. i didn’t say anything loopy or weird as the anesthesia was wearing off. at least i didn’t after i got in the car.

i was in zero pain as i got home and took a half a vicodin to prevent pain as the pain meds from the IV wore off. overall, yesterday was more painful than today and swallowing was difficult. i was in the worst pain last night before sleeping because i waited too long to take a pill because i was getting nauseous (only had a yogurt and a couple bites of ice cream yesterday). i was incredibly annoyed with the bleeding and gauze. that was absolutely disgusting and annoying and making me even more nauseous. i made it through the night until about 4:30 because i was in pain again. so my mom came in and helped me take some more meds.

i ended up sleeping until about 10. i decided to get up and pee with my moms help. peeing has been okay. however, i went to let some bloody salvia drain out of my mouth, was standing for too long, and started getting woozy. next thing i know, my vision is blacked out and i feel like throwing up. i was conscious but couldn’t see anything for a few minutes. i got back up eventually and went back to bed. after that, i was nauseous allll day. pain was okay but nausea was high. my mom told me it was because i hadn’t eaten for a long time so i was forced to eat a little jello and some sherbet and a little chicken broth. i felt a little better but not by much. i started getting more nauseous through the day so i just kept drinking club soda. i tried dissolving some saltine crackers on my tongue and that helped my appetite. i had some jello and a good amount of top ramen and now i feel quite better. i will probably eat a little ice cream before i take my last antibiotic for the night.

i’m hoping that tomorrow will be better! this sucks and i’m so glad that i only have to do this once!

today was haircut day! i decided to get a cut inspired by chelsea kane (aka chelsea staub) from JONAS and dancing with the stars. it’s a little longer than her hair (she had a cut similar to this but then chopped it to more of a victoria beckham style). for me, typically, it takes me a few days to get used to a haircut no matter how much i like it. it takes me a few days to work out how to style it, how far over to part my hair, how to fix the layering, etc. – but for the most part, i like my new hair and so does the rest of my family. success!

…i still haven’t run yet. i am so awful at this! i literally cannot find a comfortable position to sleep in at night so i toss and turn until 1 AM and then i’m too exhausted to get up at 8 AM, so then i get up at 11:30 at which time it is much too hot to run around outside. so tonight, i think i’m going to get into bed at 10-ish and i’ll read a little to get me sleepy enough to ignore discomfort.

and even if i don’t end up running tomorrow, i’ll whip out my yoga mat and do a little pilates. i have¬†to start doing something. i can’t just sit here sedentary and expect my self-confidence and self-image to change. i feel like a new haircut always makes me feel more motivated to be a new person…to kick bad habits (SODA) and become a better person for myself. hopefully i can run AND do some pilates tomorrow.

baby steps, paige, baby steps…

so i didn’t run yesterday morning or this morning. i ended up sleeping in both mornings until 11:21 AM when i really wanted to get up at 7 AM to run. i WILL be doing it tomorrow though. i’m going to get my butt in bed early tonight, drink a little tea to make me sleepy so i am not so drained tomorrow morning and i’ll be able to actually get up.

i’m reading “the grapes of wrath” by john steinbeck, at the moment, and it’s quite good. i’m only three chapters into it but it’s not awful. i don’t know if i look forward to reading it every day just because i can say i read it or if it is the writing that’s making me come back to it. i don’t know.¬†¬†either way, i’m going to keep on reading and post my thoughts, if i ever have any.

does anyone have any tips on keeping motivated in starting something new? i.e. running, finishing a book, etc.

today was my last day of school! thank god. i don’t know if i could handle any more of junior year. this school year has been the absolute WORST year of my entire life. i dealt with so much crap mentally and emotionally, i just don’t even want to think about it anymore. it’s been such a¬†roller coaster, with not many highs, but i made it through and that’s all that matters.

after school, because i’m a friendless loser, i went to the library and checked out “grapes of wrath” and “cannery row” by john steinbeck, as well as “the fall” by albert camus. i will be starting “grapes of wrath” tonight before bed. i don’t really think i’m doing anything tomorrow – ¬†i don’t think i’m going running. i want to¬†¬†use this summer to get into running. there are times where i totally want to do it and others where i can’t even believe i would even think¬†about running. but i’m just going to start off slow and get myself going every morning. i feel like during february-march of this year, when i was going to the gym for an hour every day and burning over 400 calories a day, my skin was the clearest and other than feeling like crap for other reasons, i felt decent.

i doubt i’ll be going to the beach or pool anytime soon. i still have some insecurity stuff to get over. i don’t think it’ll happen this summer but one day i’ll be comfortable with myself and my body and i won’t want to avoid bathing suits and outside at all. “well, paige, you could just go to the beach with your friends and not wear a bathing suit…just go to have fun!” um, no. my friends will want to know why i’m wrapped up in a towel or why i won’t take my clothes off. i don’t feel like explaining it to them so i’d rather just avoid it all together. it doesn’t bother me, really.

who knows what summer will bring? i sure don’t. maybe i’ll break out and find new experiences. maybe i’ll be fun and do the unexpected. oh, who am i kidding.

prep: 15 minutes, cook: 55 minutes
makes 1 loaf, about 10 1/2 inch slices

4-5 small/medium ripe bananas
2 2/3  cups Bisquick
2/3 cup brown sugar
3 eggs
1/4 cup milk
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. preheat oven to 350 degrees (F); spray loaf pan with cooking spray.
2. mash bananas in a large bowl; add sugar, eggs, mlk, oil, and vanilla; mix.
3. mix in Bisquick; if using an electric mixer, be careful not to over mix…this makes the bread denser and less fluffy
4. pour batter into the loaf pan and bake for 55 minutes or until knife inserted into center comes out clean.
5. let bread cool COMPLETELY (i would make this the day before you make the french toast)

prep: 10 minutes, cook: 20 minutes
about 10 slices (these are pretty thick and filling – i can only eat about one of them!)

1 loaf banana bread
3 eggs
1/2 cup milk (i just halved a 1 egg to 1/3 cup milk ratio)
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
powdered sugar or syrup

1. slice the banana bread into 1/2 inch slices.
2. in a bowl whisk eggs, milk, vanilla, and cinnamon.
3. heat a skillet and melt butter on the skillet.
4. lay the slice of bread into the egg mixture and quickly flip to coat the other side (DO NOT LET IT SIT THERE FOR TOO LONG OR THE BREAD WILL GET SOGGY); lay the bread onto the skillet.
5. cook until brown on one side and flip; cook this side until brown, as well.
6. serve with powdered sugar, syrup, or any other toppings you would like!